ALVIDAA

ALVIDA


                One evening on my company campus, while I was returning to my cubicle from the canteen, I saw her at the gate. A small pain rose in my heart.

                Who was she? Was she my girlfriend? No… I am still single. Was she my friend? No… we never even talked to each other… then was she one of those people in my company whom I just knew by face and was completely unaware of their names or anything else about them? No… I was knowing her, I was knowing her name, I was knowing where she worked, but was she knowing me even by my face?

                I saw her first time in our company bus from Chinchwad. Her cute and a very sweet smile and simple yet beautiful face attracted me instantly. I think this is what they call ‘the love at first sight’. I was so attracted to her that I simply stood there for a moment or two rather than rushing to the back of the bus to catch an empty seat.

                This happened almost everyday. The first thing I would do after getting into the bus was to look at her. It had become my habit. It was sort of a good morning for me. I liked it and in fact I longed for it. Weekends were just tortures when there was no bus travel and hence no glimpse of her. Some very much unknown but a very sweet feeling inside me used to tease me every morning I saw her. Was it love or just infatuation… whatever… I was enjoying it…

                I wanted to get introduced to her, wanted to talk to her, wanted to have a friendship with her that would have helped me to understand her, probably get closer to her, but I simply lacked the guts for the same. I simply couldn’t gather that courage to talk to her. My feelings remained unuttered and simply unconveyed.

                And one day, my friend who was her colleague got that bad news. She was leaving the company in the next week. I was shocked. I couldn’t even imagine my travel by the company bus without her. ‘Will we ever meet or at least see each other in future? Should I go to her and talk to her at least once before she leaves?’ Such questions simply rocked my mind for days and nights together. I was lost in them.

                And today she was there at the gate leaving me forever. The harsh reality of parting from her which I was trying to avoid was in front of me now. She was there standing just 10-15 feet away from me. I felt like going to her, hugging her close and open up my mind… but again I thought… what was I going to achieve by that? She would be leaving and probably in future we would not even see each other… then why should I do that and embarrass her? I simply kept calm, killing my feelings about her forever… it hurt… but that’s life..

                Our usual bus for Chinchwad arrived soon… she got in… I also wanted to go but somehow I couldn’t dare to enter that bus. I simply stayed at the gate plainly looking at the moving bus, trying my best to control the tears that were ready to get out of my eyes the next moment… while my heart was crying like anything for her….