The muddy water

The muddy water

He stood on the bridge. The river down flew slowly... it had no hurry to reach to the sea. For a moment he kept on looking at the water. A small pink rose came flowing along... he just gazed once at the flower. Being on a high bridge it was not possible for him to pick it up but then he would have hardly picked it up even if he would have got a chance to... it was the thing he now detested the most. The flower lover’s bouquet of love had now got converted into a bin of hatred... The flowers had probably wilted...

He still remembered the day when she had given him the pink rose on the rose day. It was the first rose he had ever got. She was a nice girl and in looks, she could be classified as pretty. He had never even dreamt that a girl would be giving a rose to him and when a girl like her gave him a pink rose, he was about to get a heart attack... but again he had controlled himself. He had felt it to be a prank and had denied the rose. He was probably the only guy who had actually denied the first ever pink rose of his life.... but then probably it was worth rather than being laughed at later because of a prank... Later she had convinced him that she really had some feelings for him and then he had accepted the rose was a different thing altogether but he still believed his denial for the rose was indeed one of the wisest things he had ever done...

A girl offering a hand of friendship, a rose, asking out for a date.... all this was very much new for him. He had never dealt with things like love or affair or to say in better words, something known as relationship or so; but this feeling had been amazing. Waiting for someone to call, waiting for some special sms, and special pings on the messengers.... it all felt nice to him. Somehow slowly he had started liking this experience. His life was transformed completely. His lifestyle had changed. He had started spending time on makeup to look better. He had started buying gifts. He had started to daydream... all this had happened in just a few months...

He now remembered every day... it was so clear as if some movie was being played in front of him. He still remembered the day when they had gone out for their first date... a romantic dinner in a restaurant on a beach. He had never experienced the magic of the candle light dinner before. The cool sea breeze flew past them making her hair float momentarily, making her look like a princess. But he somehow had not been able to tell her all that that day... It was her who had asked him out and he had felt really awkward while dining with her, while dancing with her and even sharing a single ice cream.... Gradually he had got accustomed to all those things... They had started going to such dates regularly and he had actually started feeling something special for her...

But somehow things hadn’t been so smooth recently as they were in past... probably she had started liking someone else more and that’s what he couldn’t stand... he had called her for a small meeting and had opened up his heart and that’s where everything had gone wrong... a shocking truth had got revealed and it had looked as if he had made a fool of himself...

Apparently she had no feelings for him and whatever she had done with him was just to keep a drunkard guy away from her by showing him a bodyguard around her. All those dates, the roses, the gifts were just to enjoy the free evenings and to keep the unwanted guys away. She had just portrayed everything.... it was all fake... she hadn’t felt anything the way he had. It was just an acting... brilliant acting that had fooled almost the whole college. And now, he was being neglected or to say left alone to his own fate just because she had got a new guy.

He had always preferred study as his best friend. He had preferred staying away from girls and then he had changed; thanks to her... and now she preferred to stay away from him. It was bad...no it was unfortunate for him... the cocoon had evolved into a butterfly; just to realize the flower that he had longed for and got converted from the cocoon, was no more his...

All those memories surfaced as he kept on looking at the slow river water. It looked nice but again the very next moment he felt as if the muddy water of the river was hiding something beneath. The colour of the mud didn’t allow him to see anything below the surface. Who knew what all things the seemingly slow muddy water had hid beneath it? And he hated it... he hated all that, he hated all those who hid something and portrayed something else. He wondered why people could not remain honest. He went off to see what the river had hid beneath it...

Her cell kept ringing as the police redialled the last number to identify the body... but the noise in the disc was too high for her to make out the ringing of her cell... it kept on ringing for a while; probably she was so busy in the new guy that she didn’t have any time to spend even for her old friend’s or convenience-crush’s dead body’s identification....

-Niru

The best b’day!

The best b’day!

 

Oh ...  it was 6^th June... My b’day ... I didn’t even realise. I had actually lost the notion of time, days and dates after coming here... not that life was hectic or I was not getting time to have a look at the calendar but then there were not many incidents when I actually looked into the calendar to ponder upon the dates and probably I avoided the same for the very reason that it reminded me of some days...

                Today was different altogether... When I opened my eyes in the morning, the whole room was decorated with colour papers, shining plastics, balloons and what not. It felt like a year old baby’s b’day getting celebrated. It was so nice and on the top of that, all of them stood encircling me, smiling and waiting for me to crack some joke or so. It was such a nice surprise! I had not even dreamt about this... All of my friends; they had come to celebrate my b’day taking out time from their busy schedules... It felt nice... I remembered our college days and b’day celebrations there... all those amazing memories of my life got freshened up... They all were there.... my roommate with whom I shared my feelings, studied hard... all my friends in my group with whom I enjoyed the best days of my life... and even she was there.... my crush... somehow things had not turned in my favour and I had preferred keeping my feelings to myself... now I realised the game of the luck... it turned out to be in her favour afterall she would get a life-long partner for her...

                Someone kept a laptop on my lap and then started a video – my b’day video... it was our tradition in college to make a b’day video for the b’day boy or the b’day girl using whatever wackiest pics clicked and using some simple movie maker software or so. Probably that was the only thing where everyone employed the maximum of their creativity. The video was really nice; right from my friends in school, they had put in every other girl’s pic in it portraying me as a complete flirt guy. The songs in the background actually made the effect even worse. It was actually embarrassing to see that in front of my mom n dad but again the way niru was portrayed in it was not important but the love and the affection my friends showed towards me in making the video...

                The next event we used to do was to hold the b’day boy and spank him like anything. Whatever anger, frustration anyone had that day would take it down over the b’day boy’s backside. Today somehow they were not in mood of spanking me.... they just brought a cake... a big chocolate cake with the liquid chocolate all over it... I felt like finishing it off all by alone the way it was tempting... Then there were usual fights over putting the number of candles when some of my useless friends persisted on lighting only single candle representing my true brain age.... We had to listen to him... afterall it was simpler to blow single candle on the cake... I had to make some wish before blowing the candles and I did. Just wanted to check whether such wishes come true...

                The cake was really sweet whether it felt so because of the chocolate all over it or the love my friends showed towards me... I really don’t know. Chatting with dear friends after so many days and that too for so much time was so amazing. It was Sunday that’s what they told me later, and probably that’s why no one as such was in a hurry to leave for the office or so... What else a person wants in his life? My friends had made that day special... they had coloured and energized those white and green walls of the hospital...

In the evening when they all left, I felt like thanking them by hugging them tight for making my b’day so special... But cancer had made my body so weak that it wasn’t possible for me to even get up from the bed...

That was my last day... I didn’t even see the midnight... My death was not unexpected; in fact it was very much expected or to put it into right words I was waiting for the once for all freedom from the sufferings but what mattered there was the way all my friends made my last day special... when they celebrated my b’day much before 6^th June and when even the day was not a Sunday.... they all portrayed it so... Afterall spending a day with your close sweetheart friends is nowhere lesser than a real b’day isn’t it? While blowing the candles on my cake, the only wish I had made to god was to keep the memories of that special day fresh forever... My death made it sure they remain like that before any new incidents overwrite them... In my case at least, the wishes on the b’day candles had come true!

-Niru

 

An Amazing viva....

Some day.... just like that... a cool viva.....

Day: Some day in summer....
Time: The time when people prefer sleep....
Place: an A/c Cabin

Panel: 3 very much experienced people... ready to take my case.... [V, M and R]

Myself: Niranjan Khandekar
(V opens the door and asks me to come in. The other two with a very friendly(!) smile ask me to sit down..... I forget to wish them good afternoon or so....)
[Henceforth N = Myself]

M: So, Niranjan what you liked the most in the course?
N: (as usual confused) As in any particular subject?
M: No; anything in the course.
N: I liked our first 2 assignments of MIS; they involved coding a bit on excel and since me from xxxx I like that... [Honest and sincere attempts to pull them away from mkting to MIS...]
M: You have a work ex?
N: Yes.. xxxxxxx....
M: Ok. Any other thing you liked?
N: (Thinking hard.... actually i didn’t like anything much here except for a few gals... newez..) HRM..
M: Why?
N: The cases were good as in we could relate them..... (cool globaaal)
M: (turning to R) He’s your student..... (wanted to say ‘screw him’ but he didn’t say so explicitly...)
V: Any particular case you could relate to any incidence?
N: (Shittt I had heard V has been quiet today.. even he seems to be on a killing spree... deaththth....) Yes sir... we had a case of marginal performer. He worked pretty well but then got promoted n his performance went down...... In xxxx...they had appointed an experienced guy from xxxxx... he didn’t do much... he was appointed as our project manager.... prolly his job description was not clear or so..... but as our project manager he didn’t perform well
M: Probably he got bad subordinated to work with (and then a cunning smile....)
N: No, our previous project manager was good and very much fine with us...
M: Was she a lady? (All 3 panelists sharing cool smile)
N: No... guy only (keeping face as serious as poss)
M: Ok... see we won’t ask you about HR now cause that’s your area... We will ask you about sales...
N: (I am dead )
M: Suppose you are a salesman of XXX in Goa... North or south whatever.. or whole Goa.... What will you do to increase sales?
N: Salesman ?
M: Ok... Sales manager.... no asst sales manager... what will you do to get the higher sales of HUL?
N: [Gave cool global gyaaan about market research..... ads promotions etc.]
M&R: As a asst sales manager you have that much budget or authority to change ads n all?
N: No, but.... [Again some global]
M: So what will you do?
N: [Again globaaal... ]
M: So, you will give target to sales force and ask management for more funds?
N: [No answer... confused face]
M: That’s a problem you are not doing anything... you are just sitting in an A/C cabin... and talking to salesforce or begging for money to management.... y would ne1 hire you?
R: This is genuine problem... seriously if they hire you they will throw you out...
M: Yes... if they hire pipsqueak like you they are going to kick you out within 2 days...
N: [I almost now begging..... enough of insult... please lemme go....]
R: Ok.. now consider you are a project manager in an IT company. There are some people under you. They are not meeting ne deadlines... what could be the reasons?
N: They might not be knowing the coding and all [started global...]
R: [stopping in between].... they know that much.. I don’t think any s/w firm would employ such useless people They obviously know basic stuff.
N: [Ma’m you are not aware of some IT companies.....] probably the client is changing req.
R: ok [Calm face... finally i made a non-bullshit point it seems]
N: Probably they are not much ok in working with me
R: Why?
N: If I treat them in an improper manner... If I have gender bias.... So they are not much happy with me
R: So what you do?
N: Face to face meetings... one-one meetings...[ globaaal again....]
M: Will they speak up before you if you are the problem?
N: No but I would develop trust among......
R: (cutting me) I really doubt they will ever speak up....
N: Yes that’s true...
M:So what ways you can have to get something from them?
N: hear from them when they don’t know.. prolly surveillance when they are having coffee breaks or so taking care that they don’t notice... it’s not ethically right but...
M: hehhehe this ethics and all don’t matter ....
N: or else also can be done as have a person who likes you or follows you or has no wrong things about you and then try changing others’ opinions...
M: (suddenly) What’s this economic problem going on around? What’s its effect on Indian economy?
N: [Some global gyaan on no much effect cause of parallel economy n all]
M: So our economy won’t be affected ?
N: No, just that it’s taking time... afterall economy can’t depend only on black market money as the other household biz earnings is too less as compared to the black market economy size...
M: hah!! It’s good.. ask our Netaas they want the most out of the black market only.
N: But if you want to live ethically, you wouldn’t get into it.
M: ethics and all don’t matter.... if you want to have most out of life... you have to go for it...
V: outsourcing is good option na? So the US companies will come here now due to cost cutting.... so our economy will grow better...
N: but nowadays they r finding problems with sponsoring even that so they can’t even afford that...
R: but outsourcing or overall IT in any business is for cost cutting only right? Now if you say its expensive basic purpose of IT is defied .. isn’t it?
N: No... [globaaal]
R: then why don’t you improve the biz by applying more newer IT processes n ur biz? Isn’t it investment?
N: this is not the time for trial or so... no enough funds to try out things... use old methods... better... because if u invest in IT.... prolly the cost would go so up that your biz won’t be existing tomorrow... whats the use of tht IT then?

[Then they asked me to leave...... ] ......& I wake up from the sleep.... what a horrible dream anyone could have.... But I missed one thing.... the result.... waiting for tomorrow for the same probably the dream would continue... wish me luck
-Niru :)

Sayonara!

Sayonara!

(I wrote this post as a goodbye article for the seniors leaving after the completion of their course at GIM... It was really nice to be with them... but again the sadness I saw on their faces while leaving the college... it gave me an inspiration to write this article... Although this article is applicable to almost all places we leave in our lives, there are a couple of places mentioned therein which have some local references viz. the actual college campus, the hotels around etc. Readers are requested to please bear with those...)

He heard something; probably someone was calling him. He left packing and ran to the door as if he was really expecting someone to call him for some work however stupid... He heard voices as if someone was calling him for Brandmaps meeting, for HRM submissions or for just a coffee at Jaggu’s. He looked out of the door... there was no one, yet the voices kept coming in. From where did they come? Was someone there playing a prank on him? He was really doubtful because a very few had left in the hostel after the convocation ceremony. Then who was that? Was it his own mind or something else? Were those noises of winning the CS matches, the calls for the meetings, songs after the bucket parties that he heard were real or just a part of some really freaking mind games?

He kept thinking for a minute... He could actually witness all the happenings. There was his roommate talking to his girlfriend on cell and trying to be as low on voice as possible. He stood between the two groups who were taunting each other for the Cricket matches the other day. He could see his best friend riding a bike to some hotel, Fidalgo probably, for a usual midnight coffee with his not-yet-official girlfriend. Then there was the seven pointer topper of the class returning with his thick specs from the library with a serious notion on the face and the grief that the library was not open 24x7.

He witnessed all this again in a flash. He was back in his past experiencing one of those fun-filled nights at the hostel. Someone then bumped onto him. It was his neighbour... he was again in some trouble with his laptop just a night before some important submissions. He felt like laughing and mocking him that he had done almost everyday but then he suddenly saw a group of guys moving to a room; he followed. They all were discussing about someone... a gossiping session was ‘on’ probably. He felt like joining them, laughing, smiling and discussing some special news in a very low voice. But then he heard someone yelling at the top of his voice... he went there... one of the sincere guys was there standing taking out all his frustrations on some free riders in his team who were simply not concerned about his reaction and were in fact laughing at him. He felt pity for the scholar... Others were around him enjoying the fun but no one cared to come ahead and calm down the scholar, probably they wanted him to discharge his anger first or they just wanted to watch the fun; most probably both.

He left them to join the carom group. They all seemed to be professionals except for the language they used on losing a chance to score a point. The four players were actually surrounded by around 10 people, everyone acting and advising as if he were an old professional carom coach. The card players were busy in their own game and didn’t bother to even look at the others. Then there were some rooms which were closed... some scholars were actually studying hard at that hour too... The sincere guys... they always kept studying irrespective of any event or so, he felt. He always felt jealous over their power of concentration.

Suddenly he was back into reality.... he came from his past back to present... the once house-full corridor now looked deserted. All that fun, all those movements, all those activities, all those people were simply missing and he stood alone in that corridor. Living in memories was easy and the present, because of the same, seemed depressing... He probably was going to miss something. He had lived a great life here but had never realised that until this date. All those study meetings, all those counter strike matches, all those bucket parties, all those carom and card games went past his eyes as if they were happening live before his eyes. He couldn’t stand there. He moved on to the classrooms... Even there, every bench had some or the other story to tell... right from the presentations to dozing off in between the sessions...Right from the negotiations with the professors to extend the assignment deadlines, fights for the class participation marks to simple uncaught and at times caught attempts of copying in the surprise quizzes.

He bumped with someone... she was running fast from mess to the class, probably she was late and didn’t want the professor to shut the door denying her entry to latecomers. He smiled at her but she was too busy to reply... He preferred joining another group of students who had just headed for mess after the session. The mess was as usual full, his classmates had created a good crowd at the counter and were yelling at the top of their voices to get the food at the earliest... Some were running to the dining area with plates, others were just chatting around. He went on... to the quad to witness again all those birthdays, all that birthday spanking that happened there of birthday boys as well as their friends... He looked at the ladies hostel... a building so much near the quad yet remained so much distant because of the fine for boys entering in... He smiled... he remembered the days he kept on looking at her room window, the time he spent in playing basketball, cricket in the quad just to have a glimpse of her and then the Valentines’ day when his good old college friend and she announced about their affair...

He moved on now out of the college... to the ferry point where he had spent hours with friends chatting, at times gossiping or resolving quarrels. He remembered all those incidents... it was like a dream that went by or a movie that was being played in front of his eyes. Suddenly he realised, he had to pack. He started returning... the fish special hotel Annapurna, tea shop of Casa, the restaurant Gene’s all that had been so dear to him, all somehow seemed so distant to him... For the first time he felt he was not a part of that... he was somewhere away and looking at those just like that and not as a part of that scene. He started feeling lonely. He hurried to his room to see whether there was anyone to give him company for a moment or so, but there was none. He returned to his room and started packing. He had to leave soon...

His cab was at the door. The luggage had been loaded. He was about to sit into the cab when he just turned around to have a last look at the place where he had spent probably the best times of his life. His gaze seemed to roll over each and every object around as if it wanted to store everything in the memories for the last time... A tear rolled over his cheek; he himself couldn’t understand why, but again somehow he didn’t feel awkward crying in public even after being a guy.

A couple of moments later his cab kept travelling to the airport with him and his luggage but his mind still lost in that place, was it just because he was leaving a place where he had spent some the most amazing times of his life or because of some unknown bonding he had developed there, even he himself didn’t know... He just felt like saying ‘dasvidaniya’ rather than ‘alvida’ because as they say “saying ‘alvida’ kills all hopes of meeting again”...