“It was a horrible experience”, says a techie who was in terrorist captivity for over 70 hours…

“It was a horrible experience”, says a techie who was in terrorist captivity for over 70 hours…

Our correspondent, from unknown IT Industry: As we all are aware of, an IT professional aka a techie was kidnapped by some terrorists last week. After spending over 70 hours in the captivity, he recounts the horror in his exclusive interview to our correspondent.

Corresspondent (C): Let’s start with the start… how and when and where were you kidnapped?

Techie (T): Last Monday I completed my night shift and was on my way back to home. My transport drop cab dropped me outside my society gate and then I decided to have a small cup of tea and omlette at the stall nearby. I had almost finished my tea- omlette when two guys suddenly emerged from nowhere, stuffed a cloth in my mouth, tied my hands, blindfolded me and took me into captivity.

C: That’s scary.

T: Naa. Not much. I was anyways sleepy after slogging for hours in my office. So the moment they blindfolded me, I dozed off. Actually they tried to put me in an Auto Rickshaw but no one was ready to come to their area… you know these Pimple-Saudagar Rickshawallaas! One Auto-rickshaw driver was ready but he asked some 2-3 times the meter charge… frustrated, the two terrorists had to literally carry me over shoulders… Later one of my captives even told me that I was literally snoring when they carried me from the tea stall to their base camp. My snores must have been scary for them…

C: That’s bad…

T: Bad? Maaaan what you people think of us Techies yaar? I was working on some tickets and had been working for 20 hours straight. I needed that sleep badly. Now if those idiots decided to give me a baby-carriage, it wasn’t my fault to snore like a baby…

C: Ok ok now don’t start whining about how your jobs are bad and how you work for peanuts etc etc… How was it when you were awake?

T: I woke up directly in the evening I think. I saw around and the room looked a bit different. It was in fact very clean as compared to mine… The door was locked from outside. Then I tried to kick open the door, a terrorist came in and asked me to shut up. I told him I was hungry and thirsty. So he offered me some funny colored liquid smelling like coffee tasting like muddy water. I had no choice. I gulped that down.

C: Yucks! Horrible!!!

T: No… it wasn’t that bad. We have even worse coffee vending machines in our company. I’m used to these so-called coffees…

C: Ok… that’s about coffee… what about meals? Were you fed properly or kept half-stomach or something?

T: Nopes. They offered me food. No problems with that. I mean first day they gave me some Chicken Biryani. Now tell me one thing, if they were real terrorists, there was a high chance of them belonging to Pakistan or Afghanistan right? Then were I wrong in expecting a nice delightful Peshawari or Karachi Chicken Biryani? But No! These guys offered me some pathetic tasting, colored rice. When I asked them name of the dish they told me it was ‘Osama Special Biryani’… Maan it was pathetic! Then for dinner they gave me Chicken Qaeda. It was utter hopeless dish. I am really not sure whether it was chicken in it or some other bird but it sure tasted funny. Then for next 2 days they gave me same thing with different names viz. Musharraf Biryani, Bhutto Biryani and what not and the same Chicken Peshawari was served to me by names Chicken Talibani, Chicken Mujahedeen and what not.

C: Ohh.. you must have got bored by eating the same thing over and over again…

T: Again No. I’m used to that too. In our company food courts, we get same food daily with different names. However, they follow a naming convention… I mean if one day the Veg is just too spicy, it’s named Veg Kolhapuri, if the vendor runs out of salt it’s called mix Veg Thai…. Ya according to them bland is Thai… If the cook accidentally puts soya sauce in it, it’s called Veg Chin Fa etc…. but these terrorists were funny… one morning they gave me usual Masala Omlette and told me it’s White House special Omlette… You see.. it wasn’t food but the funny names that kept me alive…

C: So what you used to do there apart from lunches and dinner? Just sleep?

T: No.. I used to just stare out of the window into the sky…

C: Boring!!!

T: Kind of… but I’m used to that too. Before joining the project, I was on bench for around 7 months… there were some projects in ‘pipeline’ but it seems the pipeline was a bit long… so anyways, doing nothing had become a part of my blood… and anyways there were some worker guys out there building and breaking stuff.. watching them was fun again…

C: Building and breaking as in?

T: Apart from the attacks on cities, abductions and so on, these terrorists don’t have much of work so they have found out ways to pass the time. They color zebra crossings on roads nearby, then remove the paint then repaint it and so on. I even heard that during rains they water the trees using an umbrella!!! It keeps them busy… good… we have similar things happening in our campus too…

C: What else? How come your company contacted the police so late? Didn’t they realize you were abducted?

T: See these days the workload is so much that most of the time I’m in office only and I work in night shifts so anyways my roommates didn’t realize I was missing. My girlfriend left me the moment I joined IT so nothing on that front. My family had gone for a vacation… I was supposed to join them but couldn’t as my leave wasn’t approved… so basically even they didn’t realize. It was next day when one of the tickets’ SLA got expired and my manager got furious and sent me reprimanding mails. I didn’t have mail access so I couldn’t respond to them and then he tried to contact me and then everyone got to know about my captivity….

C: How were you released? They asked for some ransom or so?

T: Actually the terrorists waited for some news highlighting their work of abducting me but then they got frustrated that there wasn’t any cognizance of my abduction. Their chief got so frustrated that he ordered my execution. I was being led to the guillotine when I told them my last wish of sharing with them the overall life story of a Techie.

C: Wow, interesting… then?

T: Then I explained them about my company, work and my (non-existing) life. It was then the chief literally started crying over my agonies. He even said,”My dear terrorists, look at this young lad… we mujahedeens die once and finish it off but these Techies die everyday…So I, Mustafa, declare that this my Techie friend to be released from the captivity with immediate effect. Please send him back with honor and dignity…I hereby order all my gunmen to keep away from these techies… the ones that are so inhumanly treated… leave them unharmed…” Then they again blindfolded me and left me at the same omlette stall…

C: That was an intriguing tale… really!
Latest about this abduction, Army and Police have been searching for the terrorists around whereas the home minister had ordered a high level probe committee to look into the matter. Results are awaited. Meanwhile, the techie has been given a warning for making the ticket cross the SLA…

Dear viewers, we would like to remind you that this interview was brought to you by Chamko soaps exclusively on our Feko channel….
Stay tuned for more of such amazing things happening in and around you…